23 Years of Fat

I turned 23 today. I feel my age, which I know is young, except for when I work out. When I work out, I feel like a 93 year old lifelong smoker trying to run up a 90 degree angled hill. I texted my husband when I got to work about this realization. I've never in my life been "thin". I can't believe I've never lived a day in my life as a healthy, fit and in shape person. Even though this is super depressing, it seriously just fueled my determination. 

I've been following the Fit Girls Guide for the past couple weeks which is pretty much clean and healthy eating while working out 6 days a week. I was doing well except for this past weekend when I ate "normally". I gained what I had lost :(  but then lost again :) which is why hubby tells me to stop weighing myself every day.  I can definitely see progress in my muscle gain, especially in my arms. Hubby says he can feel my muscles in my back and sides, too. It's nice not feeling like death EVERY time I workout. Honestly, I can handle working out, it's the food part that is SO incredibly hard for me. I love food. We have a love/hate relationship. Also a very abusive relationship...for both of us. So this is definitely a daily struggle, but not as bad as it could be. I'm taking Phentermine to help with my appetite and cravings. 

So my stats:

Starting weight: 195

Current Weight: 181

Goal Weight: Healthy (around 140 would be nice)

Maybe I'll post pictures someday...when my progress is significantly evident, haha.